The fuck I will, you dag nabbed peanut snatchers, you pansy eating philatropists, you bucket shelling bullocks mongering beatles! I don't give a ham-dam-shmam-pam-hoot who you're talking 'bout in your representations. I'll have you know, right here, right now, that I genuinely don't give a bone fide boner who you are, or what you're about. Damn granny-groping saggy-tit tugging lunatics. If you think for one moment i'm going to be phased by your so called "momentary lapse of judgement" which some how allowed you to nibble on the nasty ninety-nine year old nipples of a none-too-true nebraskan nanny, I will tell you something else! There is NO WAY in a hoot-hollering hasty half-witted moment that I would believe anything you have to say anyhow. All I can say is this: THE FUCK I KNOW, THE FUCK I CARE, WHERE BE'S THE BEER BUY? FUCK.

hahahahahahahahahaha

"Gosh Batman, it's a good thing you thought to bring the empty alphabet soup bat-container!"

Like, how the fuck did he say that with a straight face?

nan•dro•lone |ˈnandrəˌlōn|
noun
an anabolic steroid with tissue-building properties, used unlawfully to enhance performance in sports.

As in Does this nandrolone work on penises? Not that I need it, I'm just curious. 'Cause my friend told me he has a small dick. Uh. My friend.

nae•vus |ˈnēvəs|
noun ( pl. naevi)
a birthmark or a mole on the skin, esp. a birthmark in the form of a raised red patch

As in Yes, my penis may be likened to a small naevus.

Thought for the day:

Okay, I want to pre-empt this post by clarifying that I'm not in anyway a racist, nor prejudicial toward any group, community, faith &c. &c.; however, what the heck is with foreign drivers, who already are driving impaired, learning from other drivers who are driving impaired? Yes, I'm referring to the offshore immigrants who learn to drive from people of the same continental persuation. WTF. That's like me going to London, getting my licence and learning to drive from some Texan who knows just as little as I do about the whole damn thing. I spent an hour and a half fighting my way, white-knuckled through stop and go traffic with the worst damned drivers I've ever seen in my life. The freaking commute would take easily 40 minutes less if people could freaking drive. I should have bought a GO pass.

ma•lin•ger |məˈli ng gər|
verb [ intrans. ]
exaggerate or feign illness in order to escape duty or work.

As in My dearest spouse malingered through our intimate moments until all that remained was a collection of porn, and a worn out tube sock.

maid• en• head |ˈmādnˌhed|
noun
virginity.
• dated the hymen.

As in My maidenhead has grown back. Don't believe it? It's true, it happens you know.

Ryerson blows goats

Why is it that my first experience writing an exam off campus has to be brought to me by Ryerson? And why is it that it's in the bowels of the MTCC? Ryerson is so budget it's truly heart-breaking. I've paid over a g-note to park in Ryerson's parking facilities, and now they expect me to dish out $13.50 in parking at the MTCC for each exam. Robbery.

I get a little bored sometimes, I think it's because I used to be on methylphenidate.

Oh Christ if only I could dance like sweeet sweeet Adam West

I just have to say raymi, this is one of the single most unflattering photographs anyone has ever taken of me. And the whole moses beard joke just makes me want to buy a new blade and cut the damn thing off. Egh. Awful. Was I drunk? I don't even remember you taking that! My nose looks big, and I look daft. Hahaha holy mackerel, beard has got to go. [thinking]. But then people will see how ugly my chin is. I hate my chin. [bawls]. [I think I can see boobies under that sweater].

ob•jur•gate |ˈäbjərˌgāt|
verb [ trans. ]
rebuke severely; scold.

As in Most hetero readers objurgate me for my blatant emasculatory comments.

ob•fus•cate |ˈäbfəˌskāt|
verb [ trans. ]
render obscure, unclear, or unintelligible : the spelling changes will deform some familiar words and obfuscate their etymological origins.
• bewilder (someone) : it is more likely to obfuscate people than enlighten them.

As in My increbily GQ-meets-Swiss-Family-Robinson good looks are bound to obfuscate the sexual tendencies and inclinations of Josh Hartnett for my own villainous gain. [evil laugh]. [awkward silence]. [crying].

See, even I can perform grade 9 mathematics when required.

Wait for it...

I would do anything to avoid writing my last two exams. I mean, who wants to write exams when there's more important things to do, like watching Batman reruns, or watching porn.

I've been scouting around several different blog sites, and I've become increasingly aware of how stupid my blog is compared to those with more interesting things to say. Well in response to their wit and uncanny sense of all-things-important, not to mention general readability and interest levels: I say fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck. There, that's officially the first swear word on my blog. Fuck.

???

I once had the most interesting thing happen to me. I wanted to share that.

Highlight of the Day:

Stepping in a gargantuan pile of doggie doo left by my sweet little Rascal. Isn't it wonderful?

Batposts

Oh my Gosh, I just got my own pun. Isn't it fun when you just realize the extent of your own wit, no matter how lame it may be? See, because I said 'quickly, to the Batposts' and it's in reference to a blog site. Uh which has posts.

Thought for the day:

If all the good ones are gay, taken or like Josh Hartnett and completely unobtainable, why am I single? Theoretically I ought to be handing out numbered tickets. Here I am, a perfectly normal, level-headed and well adjusted person, yet totally surrounded by losers. Whether you're gay or straight, it can only be said that the grass is greener on the other side. The point I suppose I'm trying to make is that should you feel down and alone, perhaps useless and unloved, you ought to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Life is too short to spend it worrying about finding that special someone, because there's a good chance you've passed by so many of them without even realizing it. Love is blind, and unfortunately, so is anyone who's avidly looking for it. Don't worry, be happy, can seem easier said than done, and I know that all to well; however, stand tall and persevere! Love is fleeting sometimes, and eternal others.

If anyone reads this, and feels so compelled, I'd like to hear what some other people feel about love. That'll be the mystery word for today, that and dildo.

Oh yes, and vote for raymi

Why? because she's awesome, and she deserves it! Queen among Queens. Uh...no pun intended there, I can assure you.

What me raymi says, I does

Alright, here it is: the very first of many mundane and pointless blogs left by an insignificant pimple on the butt-cheeks of the world. Seriously though, raymi (raymi's blog) advised me to start a blog after my failed attempts at becoming popular using my msn space.

A little about myself? Well, I'm cautious; insecure; most likely a little bit "touched"; and have a terrible fear of bright colours. I don't expect this to take off, nor do I intend on making friends: no, my goal here is to propagate my bitterness and hatred of all things sun-shiny.

My first topic? Love. Love is for wieners; at least love should involve a wiener, unless of course you happen to be a lesbian (this comment is not defamatory toward homosexual women in anyway, and should not be taken as such).

Second topic? Screw you, you cheating infidelate, sorry little fudge face, you completely destroyed every ounce of human decency you had, if any of course, for the sake of a little extra-curricular fun.

Third topic? A most sincere apology to all the cheating infidelate, sorry little fudge faces who may have been offended by the previous topic; however, you deserve every word of it.